1. An apparently healthy child is most likely to be struck by uncontrollable diarrhea:
a. In the very long airport security line, just after checking the luggage containing all the spare clothes, and before a long flight that you really can’t miss.
b. While visiting the lovely home of a distant relative, where there is one bathroom for forty guests.
c. In the middle of a municipal bus ride through a less-than-attractive and unfamiliar neighborhood.
2. Estimate, to the nearest $10, how much we spent on “souvenirs” (aka “priceless treasures” or plastic junk) for the kids.
3. On a six day vacation to an area of the country known for good restaurants and fine cuisine, how many days does Carl eat pepperoni pizza?
4. On a car ride through a beautiful redwood forest, you stop to:
a. Take in the view from the scenic lookout
b. Let someone pee, incidentally in a giant grove of skunkweed
c. Photograph the kids with a giant redwood tree
d. Administer fresh air and the “of course you are not car sick, what are you talking about?” speech.
5. Describe the appropriate emergency procedures when your precious child vomits all over the back seat and you are 25 miles into a 40 mile stretch of twisty roads. You have no plastic bags, no paper towels, no water, no extra clothes, no rubber gloves, and no cleaning supplies of any kind. Bonus points for strategizing how to get the child back into the car for the rest of the ride.
6. You are driving through wine-making country. The weather is perfect and the scenery beautiful. You decide to stop for lunch:
a. On the terrace of a café advertising tasty creative dishes made with locally-grown ingredients. b. You don’t. Instead, you grab a plate of cheese, charcuterie, fruit, and crackers and enjoy it with a nice half bottle at your next winery stop. c. At the Taco Bell/KFC in the gas station near the freeway entrance ramp. We’re back from a few days far away at a family reunion, and my quiz had nothing to do with the high points. It was wonderful. No one wanted to come home. I am trying to get back into the regular life groove today, and it’s not much fun so far.
Answers: 1. a.; 2. $115, but I could be forgetting something; 3. Four, I think; 4. b and d; 5. We stripped him to his underwear, used a map to mop up what we could, had him swish the dregs of a lemonade to rinse his mouth, used a tablespoon of flat diet soda to rinse our hands, and it was so awful I don’t remember the rest; 6. If you picked anything but c., you’ve never traveled with little kids.
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