I keep trying to think of nice happy things to tell you, but I’m just not in a good mood lately. I’ve never been medicated for depression or anxiety or anything else, but there have been times it might have been a good idea, and it’s possible this is one of them. I’m neglecting my sweet husband; the kids alternate between the extremes of marginal parenting (Clearly Raised by Wolves, or, Hopelessly Overindulged by Helicopter Mom); I don’t exercise, eat right, or sleep enough; I am completely unprepared for Christmas or the end of the fiscal year; the house is a mess even by local standards; no knitting or reading or anything else is happening; and I’m not really getting my all-consuming PTO work done, either. In short, I’m not coping well in any of my life’s roles and my hair is falling out (seriously, it is, big time, and I don’t know why. To think, I was worried about Rod’s scalp showing through…)
Things are going on, however, despite my mood. Rod is busy at work because he'll be off while the kids are on vacation (yippee!) and he is completely obsessed with his 3-D prototyper machine when he’s not. A friend of mine refers to her husband’s hobby as “that goddamn guitar,” and I am beginning to relate to the sentiment, if not use the same tone of voice. Rod’s even got Carl interested now: he taught Carl how to use Google Sketch Up, and then they made some of Carl’s designs. Carl had to do a special project for school about Hawaii, and they came very close to making a 3-D poly-lactic acid model of the whole archipelago.
When he’s not doing that, Rod is still busy. He humors me, mostly, during this phase of depressive angst of mine. He rescued a friend from a plumbing disaster and is fixing the oven that had the nerve to break on me last weekend. He deals with these kids who live here. He took them both shoe shopping last weekend. What they came home with was not what I would have bought in terms of size, style, quality, type or price, but I was spared the trip and the stress and arguing that always ensues when I do it. He is doing a fine job as Girl Scout troop leader: he organized a super-fun pottery-making meeting, he recruited some new members, he went to a long training class, and he’s taking a pack of girls camping this weekend (yeah, right before Christmas, what’s your point?).
As for Ruby, she’s been very busy. She’s had a lot of sleepovers with one particular friend, which is nice, but she’s having a hard time expanding her list of buddies beyond that. She has been making things: remaking t-shirts by chopping parts off and adding embellishments, and sewing very basic patternless clothes—a tunic for Carl, and a polar fleece holiday dress for herself.
Ruby was a spur-of-the-moment shepherd in the Christmas pageant at a friend’s church. It was great; the show was outdoors, with a real camel and a choir and everything. Ruby did fine, but she was disappointed that the live goat she was supposed to tend got rowdy at the last minute and was removed from her care.
Under the influence of an animal-crazy friend, Ruby decided that she wanted to get a class pet for school. In Montessori, class pets are encouraged as a way to teach children responsibility, respect for living things, biology, etc. But in practice, some teachers just don’t like having them and don’t do it after an initial try or two. Ruby’s class didn’t have one, and I suspected that was per the teacher’s choice. But the teacher said it would okay to have fish, so that’s what Ruby got. It’s a little female betta named Pearl, with an enormous and over-decorated tank that Ruby and Carl and I had a big cranky fight about buying, and the poor tortured fish has been back and forth to school three times in two weeks already.
Carl is growing again. His hair is longer and his clothes are too small. He had one of his best new buddies sleepover last weekend, which was really fun. His teacher says he’s doing a little better at getting his work done at school, and she’s having a hard time keeping ahead of him in math, because he’s moving through the curriculum so quickly. He’s had the second grade homework the last couple of weeks, which does seem to challenge him a little. He got in trouble at school yesterday for something, but I’m not supposed to know about it; the principal only said she made a deal with him that he could be the one to tell me about it. And so naturally he hasn’t said a word, and therefore I don’t know what happened. Frustrating little twerp he is, sometimes.
What else? We got a Christmas tree, and it only took two weeks of boxes strewn all over the house to get the decorations unpacked and up. We went to some parties last weekend. I have done no shopping at all yet, and I thought I had time, but suddenly everyone is telling me it’s the very last minute and ack! Ack! Ack! There won’t be much shopping this weekend, though, because Rod and Ruby will be Girl Scout camping and Carl has only a limited tolerance for that sort of thing. Out of town relatives: look for a nice Memorial Day gift, okay?
As for me, well, last week there was a teacher appreciation luncheon and a PTO Mom’s Night Out, and the school book fair, and a bunch of other lesser meetings. This week, I have a newsletter to write, two PTO meetings to host this week, two “winter performances” to attend at school, a budget issue to resolve, and so on. Tomorrow morning is the groundbreaking for a huge park/renovation project at school, for which we need only raise to another $100K or so, preferably in the next three weeks. I used to do a lot of event planning for work, and I am going completely crazy from the lack of planning that’s gone into this groundbreaking. Apparently we’re just all going to show up, and someone will have fancy shovels, and we’ll play it by ear. I will have anxiety hives by then—there’s no timeline! No script! No props! What if it rains?! Of course, everyone else involved thinks I’m a little kooky for worrying about that stuff.
I have to get some presents for the teachers and staff by tomorrow, and I have to acquire food for the kids to take to their class parties, and I have to go to a big deal committee meeting this afternoon, and I have to help Ruby pack for camping, and, and, and.
All I really want is vacation…time on the sofa with a book or a movie or some knitting, a little holiday spirit to creep in. Which it will, but I had hoped to be there by now. It’s taken me three weeks to write this for you, and I see that it’s not very good. I promise to come up with better material, once I make it through Friday.